I Had a fun light post to share but my heart told me to write this instead.
Yesterday I woke up feeling like I was drowning. For what felt like no particular reason. I smiled my way through the day but on the inside everything felt hard. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Making decisions felt crippling yet I am usually one to make a quick choice + jump into action. Heck I coach babes on this. Listen to the signs then jump. Stop over analyzing.
Parenting felt like so much noise and I couldn’t turn the volume down. Tears on the verge of everything masked by frustration so they didn’t spill over. I felt like all the life things were suffocating. For no reason at the time that made sense, truly the most frustrating part. Believe me I practiced gratitude over and over and still felt this way. Then i sat with it. And realized I think it’s perhaps I have begun working with a therapist who is cleaning out the insides. Bringing it all to the surface to be addressed and released. I will share soon as I can feel my soul opening and the words bubbling to the surface but it still feels sacred while I am leaning into the work. I like to walk through the lessons then share. But feel God telling me to start opening up a bit deeper about my story. Not to dangle the freaking carrot but simply to say healing and not always sharing the lesson right away is ok. Admitting when you feel anxious + overwhelmed is ok. Heck going to a therapist bc you know there is deeper work to be done and you need extra support is OK. And frankly encouraged. I felt the grip of overwhelm lessen bit by bit as the evening came. Watching my children slowly fall asleep brings my soul back to calm. Floating in the bathtub with all my calming oils. I was still, and allowed the feelings to speak. Allowed them to have their space instead of choking them out. And listened to what was needing love. You see for me I think the anxiety in recent years has been a clear sign to me that I needed to do healing and some soul shifts... that shoving it down was making it manifest in new ways. So as I slowly release the perfection + control and all the emotions. I know they will create tension as they come out but they also create freedom when the light is brought in. And that my friends is the true work I am committed to. *As a disclaimer I want to be very clear none of my writing or sharing is for attention or anything weird but to simply be human. To share that I know my life is pretty freaking great but unless we heal the broken parts deep within we can get stuck. And that energy and where I am heading do not vibe. I am all about light energy and being in the presence of those also in that space. Light expansive energy + freedom. I recently recognized that it was time to heal. To pluck the root that has been far to defining in my life and story. So that my loves is where we begin.